they need to just BURY HIM!
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
