So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
