Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I believe in your delicious
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
