Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
