Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
why does every cop we meet know your name?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
