Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
