And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
