I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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