The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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