you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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