Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
