matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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