If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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