I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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