my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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