I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
