apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
