I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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