I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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