oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
