Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
