Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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