this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
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woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
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got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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