You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
