so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
