On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
