I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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