Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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