you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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