Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
