youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
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He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
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I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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