Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
