Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
