i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
