i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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