Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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