mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
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I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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