bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
did i just pee glitter
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
