Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Someone came in the potted fern
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
