I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
