He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
