I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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