I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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