hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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