Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Randomize
