All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
