I hope mine doesn't look like that
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
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He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
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I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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