The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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