Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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