I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
