Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
My feet surprised me
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
