i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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