Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Randomize
