Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
