So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
