I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
