I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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