dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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