Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
They are going to name an STD after you.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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