I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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