she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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