Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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